Ghost Between Us
by eef
Summary: This is a one shot about the ghost of Inuyasha's history with Kikyou affecting his relationship with Kagome.


I don't own Inuyasha. They may come as a surprise to some people but it is true.

This is a very interesting one shot, and as some of my friends might notice, somewhat personal to me. I myself don't know what to think about it, so feel free to tear it apart.

The parts in italics are from a third person perspective, while everything else is a first person perspective looking back. The people this is centered around are Kagome and Inuyasha over the topic of Kikyou. I left the names out and a lot of the references vague because I wanted it to be a story that applies to the general feelings which she, and a lot of others, goes through.

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"_Why shouldn't I treat you the same? You are both my girlfriends; you have the same place in my life."_

I can still hear the words, still feel that falling sensation I had gotten the first time he said them. A feeling of hopelessness, of worse fears and worries recognized. Even now the pit of my stomach drops out and the world seems the fade away from me a little at the memory. He never realized what he was saying; he never realized that he said the thing I had avoided the most. Then again, he had never really realized anything

_"I'm different!" She wanted to scream. "I'm not her, don't turn me into her!" but all she did was nod and answer calmly. What else was there to do?_

We had always had our problems, nothing had ever been perfect. Both of us were stubborn people with busy lives. Neither of us liked to talk first about problems, in fact problems were things always better avoided. I was just happy being with him, lying in his arms, knowing that of all the girls, I was the closest. But was it ever enough just to be the closest when it was still so far away from him?

_"Are we the same people? Would I ever do what she did to you?" Her voice was completely calm and collected, if not a little lower than how she usually talked. She never looked up, keeping her eyes instead fixed coolly on the ground_

It wasn't fair. Why could we never get a real chance? Why did there always have to be a ghost from the past between us? We could have been happy. We could have worked. Fate had to be cruel to us; before "we" had ever started, "she" had always been there. I never wanted to be the rebound, to be her replacement, but what I wanted didn't matter.

_His head jerked up from his chest where it had fallen and looked at her. "I never said you were her!" He wasn't lying. There was more belief in behind his words, more passionate backing within those few syllables, than in most of what he had uttered thus far, but it was in vain. Even he didn't realize what he had been doing to her. It is easy to say lies when you believe them. _

He had never called me her name, or compared us up front. All my doubts and fears originally came from my own insecurities. Was he happier with me? Did we "fit" better? If he had had a choice before everything had happened, would he still choose me? Would he choose me now if she ever returned? They weren't fair questions to ask, and he never knew I thought them.

Shaking her head, _"I know you didn't; I know." Exasperated, her words were little more than a dejected sigh. What could she say back to him, that she didn't believe him? Wishing that they could just forget that she brought this topic at all she prayed to anyone who would listen, 'Please, can this be over?'_

At some point he had started treating me different, like I wasn't myself anymore. Things he knew I would never say he started had to assume I would. Presuming my likes and dislikes and forgetting the way I would react to certain things, he had fallen back on how it was with her as a guide to how it should be with me. Gradually I felt my identity, my individuality, which I had always held so important, start to fade away as I melded with her in his mind or maybe it was all in my mind.

_"So what is the problem?" His voice wasn't meant to bite, to make her feel like she was whining about a problem that didn't exist, but it did. The way he spoke made all the thoughts gnawing at her brain and heart seem foolish and unwarranted, like she never had a right to expect anything different from him. _

I had known at the beginning he would not trust me completely, that she had destroyed that for him and I would need to earn his trust as well as my place in his life. I had realized, because of the obstacles I would need to over come to be close to him, she would always be an element in our relationship. I thought I could overcome those obstacles, gain his trust and eventually push her away from us. I guess I was wrong.

_She wanted to scream again, to yell and hit him, to make him feel an ounce of the torture she was going through. That was never a choice, however. The pain she felt, the hurt she was going through would be her secret. He would only see her strong because that was always what she wanted to be to him, strong, independent, never beaten by ghosts no matter how over powering they became. _

In the end, the reservations and self doubt which I hold mean little. She may have burned him badly, left him with a void inside, destroyed his trust, but she will always mean more to him than me. Of everything, what hurts the most, what gives me the hopeless falling feeling I can't seem to shake, it is no matter what I do or who I am, she will always be there, a ghost between us.

_Eventually they parted, him leaving to unleash his frustration and anger gained from such an unpleasant topic and her left to stare at the ground. Weeping was pointless and wishing useless. There were two paths she could take, to leave or stay. Some might call her weak; some might say that she was hanging on to pipe dreams, holding onto fantasies, but she didn't care. Staying and hoping that someday she might conquer the ghost, was the only path she ever consider taking. _

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Feel free to comment about anything. Reviews are much appreciated. 


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